Lessons on bending

flex·i·ble

[flek-suh-buhl] adjective

1. capable of being bent, usually without breaking; easily bent: a flexible ruler.

2. susceptible of modification or adaptation; adaptable: a flexible schedule.

3. willing or disposed to yield; pliable: a flexible personality.

 You know when people say "If you look up _____ in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of _____?" If you looked up flexible in the dictionary, you would see a picture of me as a visual for the antonym. 

plan

[plan] noun, verb

1. a scheme or method of acting, doing, proceeding, making, etc., developed in advance: battle plans.

2. a design or scheme of arrangement: an elaborate plan for seating guests.

3. a specific project or definite purpose: plans for the future 

  

If you looked up plan in the dictionary, you would see a picture of me with the caption "planner." Of course I'm not quite sure which dictionary we're talking about here. To my knowledge I've never made it into the list of those famous enough to have their picture in a dictionary....but just go with me here.

I've always been a big planner...which is really a less harsh way of saying I like to be in control. Of course the Lord always (gently and sometimes not so gently) reminds me that I have zero control over anything. Then comes the inevitable battle between my flesh and my spirit, which more often than not ends in my flesh reveling in self-pity and frustration over my lack of ability to accomplish one thing. But sometimes, by God's grace, the spirit wins that battle and there's this sweet peace that comes in resting with the sovereignty of God.

Last night John and I were having a talk and I was disagreeing with him about an area I haven't been submitting (hello, lack of submission in itself) and he said "It's an area you can grow in sanctification" which I thought was a really nice way of saying "You've got some growing to do." Well, let me tell you (or show you) who has sanctified me in the way of flexibility and plans....

Yup. One day there may be blogs that don't involve this little one, but probably not. She seems to be the chief way the Lord is teaching me and growing me right now. Maybe it's always that way once you become a mother. 

From the beginning this little one has forced me to be flexible. Being 10 days overdue should have been a sign that I should throw all plans out the window. But of course, I took a glance out that window, shut it, and continued making my plans.

For example, the other day. 

The plan- I'll feed her right before we leave the doctor's office, then she'll fall asleep in the car and get a really good nap. Hopefully she'll sleep until her next feeding. That way I can work out, eat lunch, have some time to read. It'll be great! 

What actually happened- Feed her at the doctor's office. She falls asleep 5 minutes before we get home. Wakes up when I move her car seat inside. Won't go back to sleep so I rock her. She falls asleep. I put her in the crib. She wakes up 10 minutes later. I rock her again. Put her in the crib. She starts to cry immediately. I rock her for an hour while she sleeps until it's time for her to eat again. 

Now I'll go ahead and say that (1) this isn't the time for you to tell me "You should've tried this" or "You shouldn't have rocked her, you should've let her cry." Naps are hard to come by these days so I'm not picky how they come about, and (2) I am in no way complaining about my daughter. The point is something quite different actually...

The point is my plans don't work. 

When it comes down to it, flexible, pliable, able to bend without breaking, haven't really described me. But the Lord is slowly, painfully, sweetly and gently teaching me this...

"The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." (Prov 16:9)

Or the way we talk about it in our house is this- hold your plans loosely. Plans aren't all that bad. There's definitely blessing in diligence and wisdom and planning for what's to come, just look at the ant in Proverbs 6. But holding our plans with a closed fist, now that's foolish. 

Sometimes interruptions in our plans are sweet and precious.

 

For example, the other night, she fell asleep on my lap and didn't move for an hour and a half. This makes for a happy baby and a happy momma (who was pretty thirsty, a little hungry, and maybe had to use the bathroom really badly, but it was worth it).

Sometimes, interruptions in our plans are frustrating, difficult, and painful. In some instances, our broken plans are even heartbreaking or devastating. What's the peace when our plans are broken and our flexibility is challenged? The One through whom and for whom all things were created. The One who holds all things together (Colossians 1). All things means ALL things. And he intricately ordains each and every event for His glory and our good and sanctification. The sweet days with lots of smiles and giggles, and the tough days with battles over naps, disagreements with spouses and bins filled with dirty diapers. Here's a pretty good example of flexibility...

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:5-8)

We can be flexible (empowered by the Spirit) because we see Christ, stepping out of heaven, putting on flesh and being born in the likeness of men, humbling himself, washing disciples' feet, interacting with lepers and those oppressed by demons, eating with tax collectors and sinners, being beaten, mocked and murdered, dying on the cross and taking on the wrath of God on our behalf, being delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification. One day every knee will bow and worship him.

This was his plan from before the foundations of the world.

He's teaching me that I can be okay with my plans not working out because he has already lived this life perfectly for me. I can be okay with my plans not working out because he knew that my plans wouldn't work out (He actually was in charge of that whole thing anyway). I can be okay with my plans not working out because, praise God, his plan is going off without a hitch.

 

A little family update...

(this is the first post so be prepared...there's some catching up to do!)

 

Family

It's hard to believe that this was three years ago!

On January 9, John and I celebrated 3 years of marriage. What good gifts the Lord gives! It's fun to look at this picture and think about how we had no clue what the Lord had in store for us, or what life would look like in just a few years. Shortly before this, I wrote this article on engagement for the iGo blog. Much like engagement, I have been amazed at how, in marriage, the Lord has done far more abundantly than all we can ask or imagine according to his power (Eph. 3:20-21). If engagement was sanctifying, marriage has been doubly sanctifying! (Yes I said doubly). Challenging, convicting, sharpening, refining, beautiful, sweet, joyous, delightful. John is God's grace extended to Sophia and I. An affectionate, gentle, funny, firm, generous leader who is shepherding our family well. Though our marriage is far from perfect, it is great. "The greatness of marriage is not in itself. The greatness of marriage is that it displays something unspeakably great, namely, Christ and the church.” John Piper, This Momentary Marriage. We pray we are given several more years to, imperfectly but by God's grace, display Christ and the church. 

Speaking of good gifts, just a couple months ago, this little one came along... 

 

Sophia Jane was born on November 6 at 5:25AM. She weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds, 2 ounces, and was 21 inches long. Needless to say, she's a healthy little thing :) Although the jury is still out on whether she favors John or myself, most people say John. I'm okay with that, because he's a good looking guy. John would say "I think she looks like me...except for the beard." Thank goodness.

What a delight it is to be this tiny girl's parents. I never thought it could make me so happy to see someone smile, but my goodness. One of my favorite parts of the day is the first time I walk in her room in the morning. She's just looking around at all the bright colors, then she turns her head and notices me, and I get a big one of these....

Not a bad thing to see early in the morning. 

So far we've had our first Christmas...

 

 First round of shots...

(a before picture. yes she was happy. yes she felt betrayed afterward)

Some cuddling time {we have a fiery, independent one :)}...

Lots of this (to be expected)...

(this particular fit was, of course, because of the bow)

And an ever increasing amount of these...

 

(she likes to stick her tongue out when she's really happy. who doesn't?)

I know it's only been a couple of months. But parenthood? Sanctifying. I mean, like woah. If marriage is doubly sanctifying, then this is a whole new level. Can I say triply sanctifying? I will. And I did. Again, how challenging, convicting, sharpening, refining, beautiful, sweet, joyous, delightful. So many times throughout the day (if I am paying attention) the Lord opens my eyes to gospel truths through this tiny one. For example, the dreaded tummy time. It's rumored that some kiddos like this- ours is not one of them. She makes it a few minutes with a few grunts here and there. But with about 2 1/2 minutes left her patience is gone. She starts to cry. Like, really cry. Big fat tears cry. Bury your head in the blanket cry. I just have to sit there and tell her (although she has no clue what I'm saying) "This is for your good! I know you don't like this right now, but this is for your good. You need this. I promise." She is limited in what she can see and understand, and all she knows is that she does not like where she's at and wants to be done with it. But she needs to stay there just a bit longer. It's for her good. How often are we in situations, seasons, surrounded by circumstances that we do not like and do not understand. We just want to be done with it. But God is telling us, "This is for your good! I know you don't understand, but this is for your good, I promise." He is working for our good and, most importantly, for his glory. That's a truth that brings rest and peace. Of course there are countless times that the Father reminds me of the gospel in very different, much more humbling ways. Like when I am not gentle or patient and he reminds me of his unending patience and how he gently leads us...but those are posts for another day.

And we'll save other updates for another day as well, as this post has become quite lengthy. Hey, when you become a parent, you take a lot of pictures....am I right? :)

Coming Soon.

New blog of the Rogers' family coming soon.

Until then, just try not to smile at this: